So, for an extra-credit assignment after reading Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales in my humanities class, we were told to write something in the style of Chaucer, couplets and all. After showing it to the Atheist Blogger he told me that he loved it and to put it on my blog…so I am.
Oh, and I totally stole the character name of Mary Malone from His Dark Materials because I’m just that uncreative.
And, after you’re done reading, you might want to check out the segment with me on the new Mindcore podcast. You know you want to because Rodrigo is awesome and I once cited him in a paper I wrote for world history.
In the back row there sat,
The affluent girl named Pat.
Despite the teacher’s forty second groan,
Pat refused to turn off her phone.
“And, like, I totally, like, thought that Mike,
looked, you know, hot, like!”
“You are interfering with classroom communication,
with your bloody insubordination!”
The teacher declared again,
Only to be given the pain,
Of hearing Pat’s driveling voice say,
In the desk across sat alone,
An introverted Mary Malone
Her thoughts, much like her telescope,
Were covering a deeper, wider scope.
How long would it take to reach that star,
So very ancient and so far?
In her mind she was doing the summations,
To complete the calculations.
Wouldn’t that be a marvel?
Giving Mary personal space no wider than a dime,
Came to sit Helen, a girl with a different paradigm.
Of reason she was a proud murderess,
Because that’s what’s wanted of her from the Goddess.
After all without the magic,
Would not the universe be cold, bleak, and tragic?
Seeing Malone’s physics book, Joan felt that she ought,
express her post-modern thought,
“Your science is ever so reductionist,
your world must be the bleakest!
You are so grounded in the factual,
don’t you long for anything more spiritual?”
“There are more things in heaven and earth,”
Helen continued, trying to be perth.
“Than dreamt of in your philosophy.”
With this hippie woo Mary agreed hardly.
What a waste of time,
Mary thought to whine.
By now Mary’s opinion of Helen’s intellect,
Was that her brain was not there in effect.
Although not feeling that this she should confide,
She countered Shakespeare and quothed the author of the Hitchiker’s Guide,
“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to,
Believe that there are faeries at the bottom of it too?”
A few rows back sat Dwayne,
which is a rubbish name,
ironic considering he was not only into biology
but also the arcane field of philology.
“That’s the best way to learn taxonomy,
By looking in the Oxford English Dictionary.”
Though curious was he,
a good student he refused to be.
Who wants to do all this studying,
that ultimately got in the way of learning?
But don’t get him wrong,
curiosity filled his heart with song.
And next to Dwayne sat Joan,
who for her humanities class was reading a poem.
Dwayne spake: “Don’t you love classical literature?
Isn’t it a wonder it has survived this far into the future?”
“I’m a business major,” replied fair Joan,
for she didn’t care at all about the poem.
Unlike Dwayne, Joan only cared about the class,
so that she could get a degree and become a rich ass.
Dwayne didn’t care for gold,
only for learnings of classical old.
Sitting dainty and sucking a mint,
was Meghan, president of student government.
Warm and charismatic, this was her facade,
And her reason for this was not very odd.
She was on a social climb towards an hour,
whence she’d have even more power.
Alliances and enemies she made,
making sure that her star would not fade.
Politics is high school drama,
complete with social karma.
With a black fringe over sad eyes,
and complete with depressed sighs,
Dressed in all black,
of pain he was in no lack.
For if ever a person tried to act kind,
any desire for happiness he could not find.
His heart was cold and frozen,
much like a Norwegian.
And then was Natalie Coller,
a huge holy roller.
She was always there to aid,
with the activities of Campus Crusade,
casting out the dark lord Satan,
and ignoring the fact that they were begattan,
through original sin,
and continuing to make their preaching din.
Non-believers were content with a good dinner,
but Natalie taught anyone who took pleasure was a sinner.
No sex, condoms, or masturbation,
and don’t get them started on abortion.
To call what should be civil liberties a sin,
made Natalie, and her lot, seem rather dim.
And so it came to pass,
that this made for an interesting humanities class.