EDIT: Apparently my tactics are considered a bit extreme. I do not want people ransacking the homes of Catholics. I want them to mock them for their beliefs. Religion is not immune to criticism. It never has been, never should be, and if we can pull this off, never will be. Keep this is mind when reading the post.
The Inquisition has recently targeted one of our own, PZ Myers, so it’s time to retaliate with excessive force. I intend to desecrate as many Jesus-bits as I can over the next month. I think I’ll make it into a game.
Why am I doing this? Good question. Primarily because it’s really, really fun, and because we’re showing that we will not be intimidated into respecting idiotic beliefs. Fuck transubstantiation, it’s a piece of crappy pseudo-bread that tastes like cardboard.
For anyone who wants to participate in Piss Off The Catholics Month, there are plenty of guides which will tell you how to take communion. Consider the church service you sit through to get a Jesus-bit a learning experience. If you’re lucky, they might have some pretty music.
The key is to get the Priest to place the Eucharist into your hand, and somehow make it look as though you placed it onto your tongue and let it dissolve, when you’ve really kidnapped the Jesus-bit. If you don’t make it look like you ate it, I assume no liability for your funeral expenses.
I mentioned that I’d make this a game, so here are the rules:
Piss Off The Catholics Game
For the month of July, do as much as you can to piss off the Catholics. The more points you get by the end of the month, the more you win. You don’t actually win anything, but it at least makes it fun. Compete with your friends. Brag to your enemies. Eat chocolate. The rules are included in parentheses beside the point values.
The following actions earn you the specified numbers of points:
1 Point – Sit Through a Minute of a Catholic Church Service (One point per minute. A two hour Sunday service gets you 120 points, plus more if you can kidnap a bit of Jesus)
10 Points – Wear Anti-religious Clothing (The clothing must be visible and worn in public for a minimum of three hours.)
10 Points – Sinful Sexual Activity (Participate in a sinful sexual act such as masturbation or premarital sex. Another 10 Points if it’s gay.)
15 Points – Anger a Catholic through the Internet (They must make obviously angry remarks through some Internet medium relating to your Piss Off The Catholics actions)
15 Points – Get Someone to Participate in Piss Off The Catholics Month (The person must play the Piss Off The Catholics Game and score at least 100 points of their own. They may only be counted once, so make sure others don’t recruit them.)
20 Points – Be Mistaken for a Satanist (Self explanatory. If a catholic is under the impression that Atheists are devil worshipers, 20 points. Each catholic only redeemable once.)
20 Points – Break One of The Ten Commandments (Please don’t kill anybody, obviously. Lusting, worshipping false idols, etc. gets you the points. Kidnapping Jesus-bits doesn’t count since that’s already counted. Only one broken commandment per day.)
25 Points – Anger a Catholic in Real Life (They must make angry remarks related to your Pissing Off the Catholics actions in real life. Yelling makes it an automatic Anger a Catholic score.)
25 Points – Receive Hate Mail (25 points for every piece of hate mail you receive. This must be through e-mail or the archaic and mythical “paper mail”.)
50 Points – Link to This Post or Post About Piss Off The Catholics Month on Your Website (May be redeemed once per website per Piss Off The Catholics Month)
50 Points – Kidnap a Eucharist (you must obtain the Jesus-bit at a Catholic Church and get it back to your home intact. After that, you have successfully kidnapped Jesus and can do what you want with it. Remember that it is only the “actual body of Jesus” for the time between when the Priest gives it to you, and you eat it. The key is to not eat it.)
50 Points – Confess To Heinous Sins or Be “Disrespectful” at a Confessional (Confess to obscene and incredibly sinful activity at Confession or disrupt by talking on a cell phone, etc. in the booth)
50 Points – Submit Your Score (At the end of the month, submit your actions and score to firstname.lastname@example.org)
100 Points – Obtain some Holy Water and Use For Daily Tasks (Drink it, water your plants with it, etc.)
100 Points – Desecrate the Eucharist (do something demeaning to the Jesus-bit)
250 Points – Read Atheist Literature (This includes books such as The God Delusion, god is not Great, etc. Books read previously do not count. 30 points per book. Must read entire book.)
250 Points – Debate a Catholic and Win (You must win a debate with a Catholic which would fill a minimum of two pages of text were you to transcribe it into a word processor. IM conversations should be four pages due to the formatting involved in copy pasting them into a word processor. You may consider yourself victorious if they concede, resort to declaring logic invalid, saying you “need to have faith” and presenting no evidence when pressed, or repeat already discredited points more than twice.)
500 Points – Receive Death Threat (500 points for every piece of hate mail containing phrases such as “I will kill you…” or “These people will kill you if…”. If they appeal to the Muslims being willing to kill you if you were to do a similar thing to their religion, it doesn’t count as a death threat.)
1 000 Points – Convince a Catholic Fence-sitter to Give Up Their Religion (A conversion to Atheism or Agnosticism is acceptable. Unitarian, Deist, Pantheist, etc. all count as well. As long as it isn’t Catholicism, you get the points.)
Try to get as many people to play as you can. If I get enough valid responses, I’ll recognize the winners in a post at the end of the month. Remember, scores, suggestions, and anything else related to the game should be sent to email@example.com. Merry POTCM, and happy Christaunting!