Piss Off The Catholics Month

EDIT: Apparently my tactics are considered a bit extreme. I do not want people ransacking the homes of Catholics. I want them to mock them for their beliefs. Religion is not immune to criticism. It never has been, never should be, and if we can pull this off, never will be. Keep this is mind when reading the post.

The Inquisition has recently targeted one of our own, PZ Myers, so it’s time to retaliate with excessive force. I intend to desecrate as many Jesus-bits as I can over the next month. I think I’ll make it into a game.

Why am I doing this? Good question. Primarily because it’s really, really fun, and because we’re showing that we will not be intimidated into respecting idiotic beliefs. Fuck transubstantiation, it’s a piece of crappy pseudo-bread that tastes like cardboard.

For anyone who wants to participate in Piss Off The Catholics Month, there are plenty of guides which will tell you how to take communion. Consider the church service you sit through to get a Jesus-bit a learning experience. If you’re lucky, they might have some pretty music.

The key is to get the Priest to place the Eucharist into your hand, and somehow make it look as though you placed it onto your tongue and let it dissolve, when you’ve really kidnapped the Jesus-bit. If you don’t make it look like you ate it, I assume no liability for your funeral expenses.

I mentioned that I’d make this a game, so here are the rules:

Piss Off The Catholics Game

For the month of July, do as much as you can to piss off the Catholics. The more points you get by the end of the month, the more you win. You don’t actually win anything, but it at least makes it fun. Compete with your friends. Brag to your enemies. Eat chocolate. The rules are included in parentheses beside the point values.

The following actions earn you the specified numbers of points:

1 Point – Sit Through a Minute of a Catholic Church Service (One point per minute. A two hour Sunday service gets you 120 points, plus more if you can kidnap a bit of Jesus)

10 Points – Wear Anti-religious Clothing (The clothing must be visible and worn in public for a minimum of three hours.)

10 Points – Sinful Sexual Activity (Participate in a sinful sexual act such as masturbation or premarital sex. Another 10 Points if it’s gay.)

15 Points – Anger a Catholic through the Internet (They must make obviously angry remarks through some Internet medium relating to your Piss Off The Catholics actions)

15 Points – Get Someone to Participate in Piss Off The Catholics Month (The person must play the Piss Off The Catholics Game and score at least 100 points of their own. They may only be counted once, so make sure others don’t recruit them.)

20 Points – Be Mistaken for a Satanist (Self explanatory. If a catholic is under the impression that Atheists are devil worshipers, 20 points. Each catholic only redeemable once.)

20 Points – Break One of The Ten Commandments (Please don’t kill anybody, obviously. Lusting, worshipping false idols, etc. gets you the points. Kidnapping Jesus-bits doesn’t count since that’s already counted. Only one broken commandment per day.)

25 Points – Anger a Catholic in Real Life (They must make angry remarks related to your Pissing Off the Catholics actions in real life. Yelling makes it an automatic Anger a Catholic score.)

25 Points – Receive Hate Mail (25 points for every piece of hate mail you receive. This must be through e-mail or the archaic and mythical “paper mail”.)

50 Points – Link to This Post or Post About Piss Off The Catholics Month on Your Website (May be redeemed once per website per Piss Off The Catholics Month)

50 Points – Kidnap a Eucharist (you must obtain the Jesus-bit at a Catholic Church and get it back to your home intact. After that, you have successfully kidnapped Jesus and can do what you want with it. Remember that it is only the “actual body of Jesus” for the time between when the Priest gives it to you, and you eat it. The key is to not eat it.)

50 Points – Confess To Heinous Sins or Be “Disrespectful” at a Confessional (Confess to obscene and incredibly sinful activity at Confession or disrupt by talking on a cell phone, etc. in the booth)

50 Points – Submit Your Score (At the end of the month, submit your actions and score to pissoffthecatholicsgame@gmail.com)

100 Points – Obtain some Holy Water and Use For Daily Tasks (Drink it, water your plants with it, etc.)

100 Points – Desecrate the Eucharist (do something demeaning to the Jesus-bit)

250 Points – Read Atheist Literature (This includes books such as The God Delusion, god is not Great, etc. Books read previously do not count. 30 points per book. Must read entire book.)

250 Points – Debate a Catholic and Win (You must win a debate with a Catholic which would fill a minimum of two pages of text were you to transcribe it into a word processor. IM conversations should be four pages due to the formatting involved in copy pasting them into a word processor. You may consider yourself victorious if they concede, resort to declaring logic invalid, saying you “need to have faith” and presenting no evidence when pressed, or repeat already discredited points more than twice.)

500 Points – Receive Death Threat (500 points for every piece of hate mail containing phrases such as “I will kill you…” or “These people will kill you if…”. If they appeal to the Muslims being willing to kill you if you were to do a similar thing to their religion, it doesn’t count as a death threat.)

1 000 Points – Convince a Catholic Fence-sitter to Give Up Their Religion (A conversion to Atheism or Agnosticism is acceptable. Unitarian, Deist, Pantheist, etc. all count as well. As long as it isn’t Catholicism, you get the points.)

Try to get as many people to play as you can. If I get enough valid responses, I’ll recognize the winners in a post at the end of the month. Remember, scores, suggestions, and anything else related to the game should be sent to pissoffthecatholicsgame@gmail.com. Merry POTCM, and happy Christaunting!

Bunnies.

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30 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Xiazner on July 13, 2008 at 2:36 am

    Hehe, will do Thrawn.

  2. I really don’t think that open hostility is the right approach. Anybody who’s questioning their faith and sitting on the fence is not going to be helped by something like this. Indeed, they might be repulsed by this sort of attitude.

    IMO, the thing to do is to simply emphasize that there is absolutely no evidence that a cracker or wine can magically transmute into anything else. If someone thinks otherwise, the onus is on them to provide evidence for their claim.

  3. Posted by rdthrawn on July 13, 2008 at 6:51 am

    This is just a response to their response to the recent communion wafer fiasco. They’re reacting precisely the same way the Muslims did over the mohammad Bear, and I, for one, won’t tolerate being forced to walk on eggshells around stupid religious beliefs because the believers get pissed off if we don’t.

    What do you do when there’s a giant wall pushing you slowly farther and farther from the center where you want to be? Pull out a giant gun and blow it back to the center. Except in this poorly constructed half-metaphor, the wall is the “Liberal – Centrist – Conservative” line being pushed as a whole into more conservative area. The response, blowing the wall pushing the thing to conservatism, namely Piss Off The Catholics Month, is the solution.

    Did I mention that this is a terrible metaphor?

  4. […] At the same time, trying to obtain a consecrated communion wafer for the sole purpose of destroying it serves absolutely no positive purpose. Now, you’re just trying to piss off Catholics. […]

  5. > Now, you’re just trying to piss off Catholics.

    And why not. There has been no meaningful change in society that hasn’t been accomplished without a portion of that movement doing something just to piss off the establishment.

    Do you think that Gay Pride marches are only about pride? No, there are a certain number of people involved doing it just to piss off the straights. Critical Mass, a cycling parade that demand equal rights to the use of the street, has a lot of people there just to piss off motorists. Do you think when Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the church door, he wasn’t doing it, at least in part, to piss off the church?

    I think people who are saying that this shouldn’t be done, that it’s crossing a line, are in essence saying the same thing the theists are: STFU.

    Well, don’t. For atheism to gain its equal place in American society, this sort of agitation MUST be done. It’s not pretty, but history has shown that it is required. And those who put themselves out in front like that should be applauded for their courage because they will be reviled by friend and foe alike.

  6. I tend to agree that pissing off fundies that are “too far gone” can be amusing stuff. But helping those who may be on the fence is important.

    Maybe that should be part of the game. Convince a Catholic-fencer to break from their religion… 1000 pts.

  7. Posted by Rob on July 13, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    Wow, I’ve got 70 points just from this morning. An hour of church, and I’ll just leave the other 10 open to guessing…

  8. Wait – 500 points per death threat?

    I think I may have won already. 🙂

  9. Posted by Natsuki on July 13, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    While I do think that pissing off bible-thumpers can be amusing, I think each ‘side’ feels the same about the other; There is no solid evidence or proof. Some atheists tell me that “If the creationists actually got a brain and put two and two together…”, but some people actually function better if they believe that a deity is hanging over them. So instead of having a “You hit me, I’ll hit you back” attitude about it, you could have an “Agree to disagree” attitude.

  10. This is not an eye for an eye thing. This is countering the absurdity of threats of firings, expulsions and death with satirical rhetoric and perhaps a photograph or YouTube video. Those two do not compare at all.

  11. Posted by Natsuki on July 13, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    I believe they do compare. The very way you put it, to counter such with such, is the definition of eye for an eye. Even though the killing of an atheist simply because he or she is an atheist is far worse than an atheist irritating a Catholic simply because he or she is a Catholic, the structure of the actions and reasons for them are the same.

  12. Tit for tat?

  13. > structure of the actions and reasons for them are the same.

    What? This is the difference between killing and murder. The structure isn’t the same. The reasons aren’t the same. This isn’t to counter such with such. It’s to counter insult with death. That’s insanity. That’s amorality.

    But, let’s turn that around. Your criticism of Meyers is that he has chosen a “You hit me, I’ll hit you back” method. Meyers has chosen to counter the threat of death with mere insult. He has chosen to counter the threat of loosing his job with mere insult. This isn’t hitting and hitting back. This is, turning the other cheek. OK, well, it’s not quite as subservient as that but he is nowhere near responding in kind.

  14. Posted by rdthrawn on July 14, 2008 at 12:02 am

    It’s “poking gently on the shoulder the person who just covered you in napalm and lit you on fire”.

  15. Posted by tungtide on July 14, 2008 at 1:48 am

    Perhaps turning the other cheek only to realize that you’re actually being mooned?

  16. Posted by El Mono on July 14, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    your a life failure

  17. Posted by Natsuki on July 14, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    I’m not trying to say that I disapprove. The point I’m trying to make is that methods such as ‘disrespecting’ the cracker etc. not only insult the Catholics that are a blemish on civilized society, but also the Catholics who don’t criticize atheists for their beliefs even though we’re all going to hell. 😉

  18. Posted by jaded_facade on July 14, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    You know, as much fun as I find purposely making people angry (and it can be very satisfying), I think that Natsuki has a point. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for not pulling any punches when debating anyone on…well anything. I loves me a good philosophical argument (and if I ever hear a good religous one I’ll let you know…wouldn’t hold your breath). But overtly trying to anger these people is useless at best. Plus there’s a good chance that this kind of tactic will only polerize everyone into two groups. So, while I applaud your efforts, I don’t think it will have the desired affect.

  19. These are not my efforts. I am not doing anything to intentionally piss off Catholics (unless you consider my discourse intentionally provocative). But, what I am saying is that there MUST be someone who does take that action. Not so much to change the minds of theists but to galvanize the atheists into action. For centuries, atheism has been at the bottom of the social ladder and nothing has come of all our reasoned discoursed. It may take an absurdity for people to finally stand up and demand the fair and equal treatment that is rightfully theirs. Only then, will the equal rights “movement” that we represent actually move somewhere.

    I just hope it doesn’t go so far as to be actual physical violence or death. It’s a false hope, most likely.

  20. […] been a lot of negative chatter in the blogosphere about Thrawn’s Piss Off The Catholics Month.  Hemant offered a rather unsupportive post about it on Friendly Atheist.  Elles, the […]

  21. Posted by Roe on July 16, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    Awesome! Can’t wait to participate, if only I knew a catholic.

  22. Posted by harry on July 17, 2008 at 12:57 am

    10,000 point! Mouth off to an IRISH CATHOLIC! and see if you’re left standing to finish your sentence.

    Bonus. Whine to the police that you were harrassing people and you got plowed in the side of the head. Then say “Well Catholics preach love but they don’t practice it.. blah blah.

  23. Posted by Natsuki on July 17, 2008 at 6:29 pm

    I’m a bit frustrated that after pointing out why pissing off the Catholics is not a terribly brilliant idea everyone seems to be saying it’s awesome again. Piss Off The Catholics month will only generate further hate and alienation. Attacking Catholic beliefs after using the excuse that Catholics are attacking yours is lowering yourself to a level which you had previously despised. I’d also like to point out once more that there are several gentle and kind Catholics out there, and the thought of someone challenging their beliefs because of a few extremists pisses ME off. If you must insult, demean, or anger, then target those extremists, not the religion as a whole. You have no right to demean anyone else.

  24. Posted by Tom on July 18, 2008 at 3:40 am

    Regarding what harry said (I have a brother called Harry, who’s also very a-religious – is that you, you little shit?), I suggest you start comparing all priests in the local church to the mysterious and mythical “Father Jack Hackett”. Ask where Mr. Hackett is, and say that you are angry with him for swearing at your, blind-drunk, down the phone. Then, find the old ugly priest and pretend to mistake him for Hackett.

    Bonus points if they’re Irish.

    LULZ WILL BE HAD, especially if we can get the SA Goons involved – well, Reed Braden of gaythiest.blogspot.com is involved, so thats A Goon.

    DRINK, FECK, ARSE.

  25. Posted by Harry on July 21, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    Tom, are you a queer victim like your friend Braden?

  26. Oh God, I wouldn’t kidnap an eucharist even if I wanted to. Ya see, I am a weekly attendant of the church (my parents make me), and I can say with 99% certainty that the catholic church is one of the most boring places on Earth, and time flows a lot like the way an object does when it is going really fast.

  27. Posted by Antigod on December 18, 2008 at 3:28 am

    How many points for masturbating in a church? & what if it’s over a picture of the (allegedly) virgin mary? (I reckon it was a travelling camel salesman) & what about wiping all the child porn from a priests computer?

  28. Posted by Beth on May 6, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    I inadvertently pissed off some catholics in my town by showing the movie Goya’s Ghost to a Spanish class. We watched the first 30 minutes anyway. Parents then came down on me so hard, they even took a priest to the school board meeting, had a petition, sent letters to parents. Their absurd overreaction to what they viewed as anti-catholic was almost comical, if I hadn’t been afraid of losing my job over it. Although they lied to the school board and said they objected to the movie because of the brief nudity,
    i.e. a woman huddled naked in the corner of a dungeon. Evidently, the Spanish Inquisition never happened and I should be teaching the ‘right ‘ history.

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