Prudishness and Viagra

How can an article about Viagra be so prude?

Not that I had much respect for the Daily Mail in the first place, but I definitely don’t have any respect for this writer now.

The article is about how “Viagra has turned old men into a generation of delinquent nymphomaniacs.” She cites two numerous anecdotes to back up her thesis about how old men are more flirtatious because of Viagra. Some of my favourite ignunt lines (emphasis added to some).

Since its launch in 1998, Viagra has largely escaped criticism. However, a report compiled by researchers in the West Midlands announced yesterday that Viagra was responsible for a rise in promiscuous behaviour amongst Britain’s over-50s.

Apparently you can do a respectable research study in which you are able to measure promiscuous behaviour. How the hell do you do that anyway? Sit around on a beach a keep a tally of old men wearing Speedos? It is times like these when I become nostalgic for the “Works Cited” pages of academic papers. That way you can verify that the person isn’t just being stupid.

Such men are a disgrace to dignity. Elderly men, whom biology dictates should spend their twilight years occupying an easy chair, pipe in mouth, are now leaping from their Zimmer frames like wild animals from a cage. Viagra has turned them into wolves in sheeps’ clothing.

Is she really suggesting that men are genetically predisposed to sitting in easy chairs and smoking pipes once their telomeres reach the shorter ends? Has anybody ever seriously opened up a biology textbook and read that elderly men should spend their twilight years smoking pipes and sitting in easy chairs? This is why we need more remedial science classes.

Please women? Are these relics, who should be in pickle jars, under the illusion that women find them attractive?

Sorry, old boys, we don’t. Nor do we consider your behaviour morally acceptable.

So most of my friends probably wouldn’t be attracted to older men, but so what if they do? After all, longevity might indicate a lack of lethal genes which you wouldn’t want your off spring to have. Everybody has their own sexual preferences. If young attractive women are into that sort of thing (obviously there must be some if the old men are that confident) who’s to say they shouldn’t be?

And how the HELL is it immoral? If the woman consents and they go have a fun sexy time, what harm is being done? Only a prude would be offended by what men do with women if they’re thirty, twenty, forty, fifty decades apart.

So ladies, rise with me in revolt! End this now before the streets are no longer safe from Zimmer frame lotharios.

Put your foot down before your husband scampers off after a 24-year-old Russian model. Join me in protesting at the monstrous notion that our octogenarians should be emulating Errol Flynn.

Courage, my braves! Save your relationships by going through your partner’s personal effects every day. Viagra tablets in the bottom of his underwear drawer? Throw them out now!

And, my advice to my single sisters: if an elderly man on crutches asks you out for dinner, be sure to take a knuckleduster and a can of pepper spray.

Add paranoia to prudishness.

How can this article exist without people’s brains imploding with dumbness and the space-time continuum collapsing?

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Iain on July 5, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    If it is the Daily Mail, most of its readers don’t have any brains to implode.

  2. Posted by Christian Treczoks on July 6, 2008 at 9:14 am

    “How can an article about Viagra be so prude?” – Well, what would you expect from a bible (t)humper?

    If those people were only prudish enough not to procreate 😉

  3. Posted by Peter on July 6, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    Typical Daily Mail “write shite”

  4. Posted by Richard on July 7, 2008 at 9:27 am

    Yep, the Daily Mail is trash, but I think this is meant to be light hearted?

  5. Posted by Jeremy on July 7, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    “Only a prude would be offended by what men do with women if they’re thirty, twenty, forty, fifty decades apart.”

    I don’t know… 300-500 years apart certainly gives me pause, although I don’t believe I’m a prude. 😉

  6. Posted by Rachel on July 8, 2008 at 7:26 am

    “Viagra tablets in the bottom of his underwear drawer? Throw them out now!”

    Not to mention the damage that could result when the man has to suddenly stop taking his medication because he can’t find it.

    I agree- pathetic.

  7. Posted by Αιφε Νι Χηοχηλαιν on July 1, 2010 at 1:05 am

    Wait…No, I feel my brain imploding…

    AHHH!! The space-time continuum!! It’s being unraveled!! RUN!!

    Just kidding. Still, it took all of my brainpower to keep my brain from collapsing into goo.

    Besides, another article penned by her was titled :

    “We don’t want to go to Glastonbury. Will they give us drugs?’… Cornish buoy band is all at sea with prospect of fame”

    I weep for humanity.

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