Ignunt Fool of the Week

Firstly, the Ignunt Fool of the Week is normally posted on Friday. Today may be Sunday for you, but we have learned that time is just a social construct (that thing Einstein said about time being relative was just a conspiracy. Pay no attention to the German physicist behind the curtain). So, without further adieu and whatnot, the Ignunt Fool of the Week:

Ignunce. It’s a thing. It’s stuff. It’s whatnot. Short sentences. It has a face. Here it is:

This is John Hogue. He “writes about Nostradamus with the clarity and interpretive accuracy of a kindred prophet.” The preceding link may not be right for you if you are nursing, pregnant, may become pregnant, could be pregnant, are named Mary, may be impregnated by the Holy Spirit, etc. May also cause hypertension and glaucoma.

Now that you’re fully aware of the medical risks associated with clicking on that link, it’s time to learn why John Hogue is ignunt. To start, he claims to be able to predict the future and isn’t Steven Hawking. This is automatically ignunt, but not quite ignunt enough to be an Ignunt Fool of the Week. We do have standards, after all… don’t we?

What makes John Hogue the Ignunt Fool of the Week is found a bit lower on his “biography” page. Within his poorly written excuse for an “About Me” page is enough ignorance to power the planet for at least a year by fueling the Stupidity – Anti Stupidity reactor to the left of my spleen. He claims to be unlike all the “doom and gloom” prophets because he offers solutions to all these upcoming problems. I’m amazed. A person sees a problem and thinks of a solution. So far he’s managed to be hypocritical in a paragraph devoted to proving he’s not a hypocrite.

Later on in this multi – page support of 500th trimester abortion is a gem of unbelievable quality: Him inflating his academic qualifications. According to him,

“I hate writing about myself. Anything said will only have a glass fragment of truth and not present before you the whole mirror reflecting a human being. Fragments held too tightly as the whole truth tend to cut and slice one’s hand. Any identity or label is a piece of the whole person; however, as this is the dark age of Kali Yuga, let us move forward in the darkness of print.Over the past 30 years, I must have studied enough on my own to become a Rhodes Scholar but I attained no degrees, short of the minimum requirement–a high school diploma–in 1974. More than this degree in society’s de-education of my intelligence was too much to bear. The price for a further dulling of intelligence required I assume to many others’ degrees of BS, BMs, acidic PhDs of borrowed knowledge. Thus after a number of interesting adventures, nervous breakthroughs and jumps into the unknown, I currently, and somewhat cheekishly, go by the title “Rogue” scholar.”

For someone who doesn’t like writing about himself, he says a lot. His distaste for acadamia in general is a classic symptom of someone suffering from Those Mean Scientists Wouldn’t Let Me Join Their Smart People Club So Now I’m Bitter Syndrome (TMSWLMJTSPCSNIBS).

He goes on to babble about “awakening people” and “creating true skeptics”. If anything, he’s creating a bunch of mini-selfs: more supposed prophets with even more to be mocked. Of course, it’s more productive for me to focus my mockery on the Queen of this colony of crazy conquistadores (who says alliteration has to make sense?).

Eventually he makes a point consisting of less than 3 Tbsp Stupid and 1 Tsp Baking Ignunce: “People are stupid.” This tiny jewel in his page of patheticfulness (if Steven Colbert can make “truthiness”, I’m claiming patheticfulness) does little to redeem him.

The paragraph,

“Idios also means being ‘special’ or ‘distinct’ from other personalities. I-diocy is what you get when the society seeds the empty skylike being of a child’s soul with the dark rain clouds of a borrowed identity. Nevertheless, if one is aware, one sees that for any identification to exist, it requires its opposite. If society and religion can program you to I-dentify, there is a chance you can deprogram yourself from religious and societal conditioning and experience dis-I-dentification. No matter how dark is society’s hurricane of beclouded thoughts and feelings conditioned to roil life into ego personified, it must rotate around a profoundly becalmed inner eye in its center. That eye in the idiot’s storm can be a window to the larger sky we have forgotten. It is a reminder of the unbearable lightness of being infinite.”

wins the Thrawn Award for the Best Butchery of Philobabble. What it’s supposed to mean I’ll let you interpret for yourself. I think it has to do with pancakes.

Now, he tells us a bit about some things other than his bag of poorly cooked oatmeal he calls a brain, informing us of the nature of his birth. He’s reached neutral idiocy in a paragraph for once. Frankly, I’m shocked.

He has to ruin it, though. It’s just the way he works. He describes his “career in the arts” with much fondness. He just had to leave it to spread his amazing knowledge, of course. His “promising singing career” was apparently not ended by his inability to think and breathe at the same time, but rather his sudden change of career from mediocre performer to abysmal Predictor of Bad Things.

My brain hurts. John Hogue, you is ignunt, hunny.

Bunnies.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by rdthrawn on June 16, 2008 at 12:41 am

    I’d like to point out that this post is 919 words long. Yes, that’s 616 upside down.

  2. My favorite quote from his site:

    “We assume we are human when it may very well be that our humanity is still in seed form.

    “We are trained to think and feel that we are individuals when we are all idiots.

    “Yes. We are all idiots.”

    …Yes. You are all idiots.

  3. He’s lab rat material.

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