Skiffy and Crystal Skulls

To celebrate the opening of the new Indiana Jones film, I’m doing a post making fun of the myth being used as a plot device. Don’t get me wrong, I love Indiana Jones and if it weren’t for finals this week, I would have seen the film already, but I hate it when myths are perpetrated just to make money. And I’m not exactly pointing the finger at Spielberg (though he is known for a few pseudoscientific tendencies), but Skiffy’s doing it.

Skiffy is an unaffectionate term Stargate fans developed for Sci-Fi channel after it canceled Stargate: SG-1. I’m not only unaffectionate of Skiffy because it canceled one of the coolest science fiction shows ever, but also because they have very little science fiction that they’re not trying to pass of as fact anymore. They’ve got stuff like Destination Truth (a show that searches for mythical creatures like mermaids), Ghost Hunters, and “documentaries” like The Mystery of the Crystal Skulls” .

Sounds like material suitable for the science fiction channel, but they just have to present it as if it were science fact.

One of archaeology’s most compelling mysteries is that of the 13 crystal skulls. The crystal skulls have been some of the most powerful mystical symbols in human history. Several “perfect” crystal skulls have been found in parts of Mexico and Central and South America. Together, they form a mystery as enigmatic as the Great Pyramids and Stonehenge.

This summer the connection will become known worldwide, with the release of the new Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Hosted by Lester Holt, SCI FI’s investigative special Mystery of the Crystal Skulls will explore the history of these perplexing artifacts — the myths, the legends, the controversies, and the secret scientific tests performed on them behind closed doors.

But if we wish to comprehend their deepest mysteries, we must hurry. According to the prophecy, only by reuniting all or nearly all of the 13 crystal skulls can humankind unlock secrets that will allow us to avoid the apocalypse predicted by the ancient Mayan calendar — which comes to end on Dec. 21, 2012.

The countdown for the salvation of the human race has begun.

Why are we trusting the Mayans anyway? They couldn’t predict the downfall of their own civilization, and how the hell were they supposed to be able to predict when the world would end?

About the Mayan calendar… It operates on cycles. You know, like a circle which ends and begins again. The way they calculated that date was based on when this particular cycle is supposed to end. These cycles happen every 1,872,000 days. If the end of each cycle was really supposed to be the end of the world, considering that the world is 4.6 billion years old… Damn it, where’s my calculator?

Right then, in the history of the Earth it should have ended about (rounding up) 900,000 times. Even Rainbow Eagle knew this.

So, I’m still planning on hopefully getting my bachelors degree sometime in 2012 and working on my masters in 2013. On the off chance that New Age gurus turn up evidence that 2012 is actually the end of the world, you’re all invited to an End-of-the-World party at my place.

Anyway, Skiffy was also claiming that the crystal skulls were “alien artefacts” because everybody knows that the Mayans were incompetent idiots who couldn’t have built any of their cities/temples/etc on their own!

And, indeed, Skiffy got Richard Hoagland to connect the crystal skulls to there being life on Mars. Woohoo! Alien artefacts!

And now for something completely different… A reliable news source, the BBC says… here’s a shocker… They’re not alien artefacts!

Crystal skulls are the focus of the story in the latest Indiana Jones film.

But experts say examples held at the British Museum in London and the Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC are anything but genuine.

Their results show the skulls were made using tools not available to the ancient Aztecs or Mayans.

Researchers say the work, which is published in the Journal of Archaeological Science, should end decades of speculation over the origins of these controversial objects.

And it casts serious doubt over the authenticity of other crystal skulls held in collections around the world.

Apparently the markings on the skulls, when looked at through an electron microscope, show that the tool used was probably a rotary wheel, something that the Mayans most likely did not have.

Who made the skulls is still a mystery. But, in the case of the British Museum object, some point the finger of suspicion at a 19th Century French antiquities dealer called Eugene Boban.

“We assume that he bought it from, or had it made from [craftsmen] somewhere in Europe,” said Professor Freestone, a former deputy keeper of science and conservation at the British Museum.

Contemporary documents suggest Mr Boban was involved in selling at least two of the known crystal skulls – the one held in London and another in Paris.

The London skull was probably manufactured no more than a decade before being offered up for sale.

NPR also did a story on it for the opening of the Indiana Jones movie.

One thing the scientists have figured out is that the British Museum’s skull came from Boban, that mysterious French collector. In the late 1800s, he first described it as a piece of artwork. Then he began calling it an Aztec artifact, in an attempt, Sax says, to make it “more appealing in order to sell it.”

So, what are these things? Walsh says they’re not exactly “fakes” because they aren’t copies of anything.

“I don’t think there are any real ones,” she explains. “They’re really a kind of invented artifact. … Some person or some workshop was cranking them out and selling them to a European or North American audience, which is where they all wind up.”

I don’t blame the Russians for getting upset about being associated with the lunatic crystal skull tosh (and by the way, some Spaniards are jumping over babies to ward off me the devil).

Well, gosh! If I could find that on the Internet, surely the douche bags making this “documentary” could find it too.

Just how deluded are the network executives at Skiffy? I don’t know, but hey! Bull shit sells! Hope your distortion of science has you laughing all the way to the bank, Skiffy.

10 responses to this post.

  1. Am I the only one who gets pissed about the fact that they constantly have fantasy on Skiffy? If I wanted to watch crappy Eragon-like miniseries with bad special effects then I’d find a fantasy channel. I want to watch things that are at least somewhat plausible.

    As far as “documentaries” go, I would have bought into that stuff a couple years ago, but now? Ha ha. Yeah, right. Can we just accept that we don’t have the technology to figure some things out and let it go?

  2. And they have wrestling on Skiffy too. I can totally see how crystal skulls falls under science fiction, but wrestling?

  3. The term “Skiffy” has had an established meaning within science fiction fandom for many years. Perhaps the best way to define it is by example. Let me see.

    Stargate SG-1 is Science Fiction. It’s well thought out, well written and thoroughly enjoyable while maintaining verisimilitude in a fictional setting. The science is, if not realistic, at least plausible.

    Transformers is Sci-Fi. It’s futuristic, and quite probably a lot of fun, but don’t look for good science.

    Alien Apocalypse is Skiffy. It barely makes an effort towards plausibility or scientific accuracy, and has value mainly as fodder for MST3K. Still can be a lot of fun to watch, under the right circumstances, but hardly good literature.

  4. I’m with Arthwollipot…

    I first heard the term skiffy (sciffy) when I was a teenager. I’m in my mid 40s now. It may have been pulled into a slightly new use, but it’s an old term.

  5. Posted by Christian Treczoks on May 28, 2008 at 9:37 am

    About these skulls:

    There was a documentary on them on German TV some days ago, and they checked some of those Skulls, and they all had the same traces of being made with a rotary grinding/polishing tool.

    They tracked them down beyond Sidney Burney and Eugène Boban-Duvergé to a family of jewellers/crystal grinders in Idar-Oberstein, Germany.

    They even found traces of iron from the tools on that skull in Paris – Remember the Maya? The did not use iron…

    On the other hand – that Mitchell-Hedges looks good, I would not mind having one on my desk. It would make a helluva geeky paper weight.

  6. “Bull shit sells!” I’m going to use that quote. Am not even going to credit you!

  7. [SPOILER]

    My favorite part of the movie, pseudo-science wise, was when the aliens went into “another dimension” instead of going into space. It looks like the writers decided to take their sci-fi up a notch!

  8. For a mind that wants to grow out-side the box … the Harrison Ford’s Crystal Skull is good material to enlighten the imagination … To fully understand where a Crystal Skull would have originated from …. One must have a basic understanding of True Ancient Pyramids…

    During that era noted as the fall of Man … which included almost a countless number of Pyramid shaped Manuel Power Facilities falling from their High Celestial places…. it was also during this time that many of these Ancient Pyramid objects showed themselves in their Gleaming Colorful and Light Weight Exotic materials as they seemed to just float in mid air in their downward decline and dis-placement.
    Each giant Pyramid Structure contained a Mystic Glowing Eye which was a Field of Highly accelerated Plasma Energy roaring of a great power as the Pyramid’s Eye generating it’s steady glow of Light. These Mystic Eye-lets being just one of the Pyramid’s power Facilities, which had become contaminated causing a fall in their accelerated marc of Quantum Frequency. It was such a contamination of Eye-let Plasma Cores and their associated mass core that caused their Worlds to fall from High Celestial places.
    Several falling Pyramid Facilities lowered themselves and their attached Land-scrape from upper positions to settle richly flourishing soil atop the crust of Earth’s newly evolving surface. Other Facilities with their contaminated Power Facilities settled their Mystical Cities, or mobile and flying crafts in hidden areas throughout the planet and other distant places.
    For a period of time all driven Ancient Pyramid Structures which had settled atop this planet remained visible to outside residence of this early evolving rock. Some were seen only temporarily as their gleaming structures and cities passed through visual view of Earth’s reality. This is the era when there were Giants in the land.
    As time past, each fallen Pyramid’s Eye-let Fields of Accelerated Plasma Energy (which such Energy was referred to as the Spirit of MAN), and each their plasmatomic reactor core (which were referred to as the Flesh of MAN) …
    Each of these power Facilities had to under go a purging process …..
    Such purging procedures caused a ‘Smelting Electric Furnace’ back-up of hot flowing minerals which filled every open area of the Pyramid’s inner structural design … and a back-up burst of extreme heat caused a Crystallizing of the eye-let’s Field of accelerated energy …. such a mystic crystallizing gave shape to a center placed mold of the Pyramid’s Central Casing of it’s control modules which were referred to as a Crystal Skull …
    After purging and solidifying of minerals, the actual Structure of each Exotic Pyramid continuing in it’s frequency de-acceleration, did vanish from view to set in what is referred to as the first level of the Eighth Universal Plane, which is below a Dividing Firmament of space and time. Some refer to this zone as the first level of Hell or purgatory.
    As Exotic Structures of each Pyramid vanished from the surface of this planet, each left behind a ‘Molded Stone Image’ of the inner Pyramid’s overall Facility … and also it left behind the ‘Global Eyelet‘s Crystallized Mold’ with it’s center placed ‘Crystallized Skull’ … But these such true ‘Mystic Formation of the Skull’ would have been as the elements of a priceless jewel … For each such Global and Crystallized Mold which had formed there inside the Pyramid’s Eye-let, were in their later discovery, referred to as the Mother Load of diamonds … One such molded image has been referred to as King Solomon’s Mine.
    Before the falling from High Celestial Place, and before contamination of Accelerated Plasma Cores, and before the Crystallizing of Accelerated Plasma Energy … each Eyelet of Energy would periodically weep crystallized precious stones as such stones would seem to appear in mid air and drop as tears, to later flow as a river of precious stones … and later to be discovered inner mixed with solidified rock minerals.

    I’m just an Old Soul passing through, given something important to say

  9. Um… fascinating. How do you know this?

  10. Posted by Christian Treczoks on May 30, 2008 at 8:37 am

    SoD: Stop eating those funny mushrooms 😉

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