The Most Useless Thing You Can Possibly Do for Your Business

Ask yourself this simple question. Is your brand in God’s good books?

Well, this is truly revolutionary. Christvertising!

They pray for your brand (presumably after you’ve paid them) so that it’ll look better in God’s eyes! They claim to control 1% of the 55% of Americans who pray. Why? Because “if God likes your brand, it will do better” of course!

Sudden thought here, but why would an omnipotent, omniscient being be swayed to like your brand better because us lowly humans were asking him to? Wouldn’t he already have his mind made up about whether or not the brand was good, and would it not matter how much persuasion you try to do? I’d think it’d be impotent if I allowed a bit of persuasive rhetoric to cause me to like McDonald’s over Chipotle.

Right then. Let’s just chuck it into the already mountainous pile of scams done for religious reasons and move on with our lives.

Update: I just got informed that it’s a satire. Thanks Rebecca for telling me sooner… FSM, my scepticism is in need of an overhaul.


One response to this post.

  1. Another take on Christvertising: Murphy’s Nails 😉

    Murphy owned a not-very-successful nails factory in Co. Kerry. He decided to give things a boost, so he called in an advertising agency to make an ad for TV. Three weeks later the agency rang saying his new ad would get its first showing on the following Wednesday night during Coronation Street. Murphy invited all his friends and relations round to his house to see the ad.

    The ad came on and the camera zoomed in on a grassy field and there was lovely background music. The camera then moved over the grass and up the side of a hill. At the top of the hill it came to the bottom of a cross. It slowly moved up the cross… to reveal Jesus on the cross. It moved out to his hands to show the nails driven through the hands. A voice then said: “Always use Murphy’s nails”.

    Murphy and his friends were appalled. Next day all the newspapers and media chat-shows were discussing the tasteless and irreverent ad for Murphy’s nails. Murphy became the most hated man in the country and business slumped to an even lower level than before. Murphy rang the advertising agency in despair and asked them to change the ad. Three weeks later they rang saying there would be a new ad the following night.

    Murphy got all his friends in again. The ad came on – as before the camera focused on the grass, same background music. “Shit, I’m fucked” says Murphy. The camera went up the hill and came to a cross, moving up … this time there was no one on the cross. The camera looked off into the distance …. and there was Jesus legging it across the fields. A voice rang out: “They should have used Murphy’s nails!”.

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