I Feel Satirical

This is in response to the 12 counties in Florida that now have anti-evolution resolutions.

I want to express my admiration for those concerned parents and school board members in their continuing fight against scientific orthodoxy, who have been applying pressure on the school boards in Florida to allow their children the right to hear all sides of the story.

We must take this as an opportunity to further the cause of ridding schools of scientific orthodoxy, and continue fighting the enemy and their constant attempts to push their bleak, materialistic view upon our children.

As a student in a Chemistry Honors class, I am appalled to find that our textbook is laced with references to atoms.

The atomic theory of matter is called the atomic theory of matter for a reason. It’s only a theory, not a fact…

They claim that they’ve conducted numerous experiments to prove the existence of atoms, but how can they be sure that their experiments are correct? Satan could be fooling them into thinking that the results they’re getting are true. After all, evidence is subjective.

And yet, my textbook and teacher continue to prat along about these atoms as if there were mountains of empirical evidence for them!

I propose that we teach, instead, Empedocles’ alternative theory of the four elements (earth, air, water, and fire), or, at least, give equal time to Aristotle’s four elements and the atomic theory of matter. After all, this is America! The land of the free! We are a democracy, and we should treat all things with equality, including scientific theories.

While I’m at it, I find it absurd that they still teach the germ theory of disease in Biology classes. Equal evidence can be given that diseases are induced, not by pathogens, but by demons and spirits, as mentioned in the Bible. Just as the evil minions of scientific orthodoxy are pushing God out of the creation, they’re pushing evil out of the cause of disease.

Our children must be aware that if they succumb to the influences of Satan, they will be punished with disease. If they believe that it’s not their fault that they are ill, our society will fall into anarchy, just as if they believe they are animals, they will behave like animals.

So what if you can see bacteria underneath a microscope? You still have to prove that it’s the bacteria that cause the disease. For all we know, God could have just put the bacteria there because He was bored… just like how he left vestigial appendages in us and other animals. He is probably testing our faith.

And in Astronomy, I can not help but notice that they teach us the heliocentric (sun-centered) model of the Solar System. There’s no end to the thirst of the evil minions of scientific orthodoxy’s conspiracy to push God, philosophy, evil, and the divine status of man out of the science curricula of our children.

While all these “scientists” make fun of creationism for not standing up to common sense, my common sense plainly tells me that the sun revolves around the earth and not vice versa!

Instead they give us this outrageous model that says that the earth is moving! How is it that when I’m in a moving car, I can feel myself moving, yet here I am on this planet, and I feel perfectly stationary?

Plus, if our children learn that they are not at the center of the universe, just think what effect that will have on their self-esteem! If they do not believe that man is the center of the universe, they won’t feel all chosen-by-God and special anymore!

These hypocrites need to be put in their place!

March onward, soldiers of God. Rage against scientific orthodoxy. Rage against it!

4 responses to this post.

  1. Absolutely brilliant!

  2. Well played sir! Well played indeed.

  3. Posted by the chaplain on January 12, 2008 at 11:31 pm

    Very well done.

  4. […] was sort of a spin off of my blog post I Feel Satirical. Watch the video, see if the user deleted my comment, and have a good laugh. Explore posts in the […]

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