Archive for May, 2008

My Fault

This is why insane people like me should be kept off of the Internet. In the RichardDawkins.net forum, Stella started a thread asking “Would Professor Dawkins ever consider appearing on Oprah?”

I know that Oprah is a New Age charlatan pusher, but consider the reach of her influence, and the size of her audience. I think Professor Dawkins’s polite, well-spoken approach might at least cause a little spark of reason in the minds of some of those millions of people (mostly women, mostly religious).

I don’t know if Dawkins would ever even consider such a thing, or if Oprah would have him on.

Richard Dawkins himself replied within minutes.

Of course I would. My publishers would murder me if I didn’t. The problem is to get invited.
Richard
And I just couldn’t help myself…
Letter writing campaign? It can’t be too hard to flood her inbox with e-mails.
I posted a query in the Richard Dawkins group, asking if there had ever been any talk about him appearing on the Oprah Winfrey Show: viewtopic.php?f=14&t=45556

Professor Dawkins said, “Of course I would. My publishers would murder me if I didn’t. The problem is to get invited.”

If you’d like to see him on the show, which would definitely increase the profile of atheism in “middle America”, please send an email to the show’s producers at: http://www2.oprah.com/email/reach/email_showideas.jhtml

I realize that the type of “spirituality’ Oprah usually focuses on is anathema to most of us here, and that it is unlikely he would be invited to appear, since her audience is comprised mainly of middle-class, female, American theists who would necessarily be offended by Oprah appearing to “endorse” atheism in any way. But it is undeniable that the current media climate is conducive to an increased presence of atheist viewpoints, as evidenced by recent appearances by Dawkins, as well as Hitchens, Dennet, Harris, Hirsi Ali, etc. on a wide variety of programs. There is a lot of talk about the “New Atheists” – I think, if approached the right way, Oprah and her producers might realize this topic has a lot of “good television” potential, and that Professor Dawkins, who is so well-spoken, accessible, and polite, would be a great guest.

Now, I don’t know how productive an appearance on Oprah would really be for the Professor, but the idea of putting Dawkins on with the Queen of Woo Woo Talkshows is simply too amusing to ignore. You can help make my day!

The Vatican is in on it!

You know that huge UFO cover up? The government’s in on it… the media’s in on it… the Big Science conspiracy is in on it… and the Vatican is in on it too!

The Virgin Mary miracle of May 13th 1917 was actually a UFO sighting, and for the 91st anniversary the chief astronomer of the Vatican said it was OK to believe in aliens because they know that UFOs are real!

Seriously, though… UFO enthusiasts are seeing them everywhere. I once got sent a link to an article in Pravda saying that there were ruins on the other side of the moon. Pravda was the former propaganda arm of Stalin. What a reliable source!

When they’re willing to overlook history that I learned in 8th grade, you know that they’re desperate.

Friday, 8th Period

“Friday, 8th Period” refers to the most ignunt time of my week. 8th period is when I have Speech & Debate and Friday is when the ignunce is most potent.

The school year is almost over, and I (hopefully) probably will never have a class like my Speech & Debate class again. But, I had an idea a while back to do a regular feature on my blog called “Friday, 8th Period” which I would post every Monday. In it, I figured I’d include quotes which were said in my Speech & Debate class and share some of the ignunce with the world.

As I’ve said, I’m likely going to run out of such quotes soon, but when I do, it’s quite likely that I will hear quotes of the type I would’ve heard in my Speech & Debate class.

This week, I have a persuasive speech that was delivered in class on the Oreo cookie, courtesy of Matt.

(Acts like Ninja). Now that I have your attention, I am here to tell you why the Oreo is the best cookie.

Oreos are the best cookie because they are the most versatile popular and that they can relieve stress.
Oreos come in many varieties including but not limited to Golden Oreo, uh oh Oreo, the mini Oreo, the double stuffed Oreo, the big stuff Oreo, Oreo cakesters, and 100-calorie packs Oreo otherwise known as Oreo thinstations in Canada.

How many ways can you eat a regular chocolate chip cookie? The answer is not many. With an Oreo one can eat it all once, take their time, eat just the cookie, just do the filling, twist the two halves apart like the filling and eat the cookie, or the ever popular method of dipping the entire cookie and milk then using one of the previously stated methods.

According to a study I conducted 95% of people prefer Oreos dipped in milk to King Soopers brand, Kido’s dipped in milk. If this statistic was applied to our school with a population of around a 3600, only 180 kids would not prefer Oreos dipped in milk to the kiddos dipped in milk.

Oreos come in more varieties than any other cookie these varieties include but are not limited to Golden Oreo, uh oh Oreo, the mini Oreo, the double stuffed Oreo, the big stuff Oreo, Oreo cakesters, and 100 calorie packs Oreo otherwise known as Oreo thinstations in Canada.

Oreos slogan is “milk’s favorite cookie” now if this wasn’t true wouldn’t Nabisco be sued for false advertising? Would everyone try to sue them to be a millionaire? The answer is yes. Still don’t believe me? In January 2000, Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson’s son according to wiko.com. This proves my point fully.

Now in my interview with Erin Eskovitz a caterer with a degree in culinary arts who is also currently in the process of opening a restaurant witch already has such celebrity investors as Paris Hilton’s grandfather who invested 50,000 dollars she said “my favorite cookie is a peanut butter cookie with chocolate chips.” I asked why she said, “Because it is rich and elegant” how a cookie can be elegant, I don’t know, however, she is wrong. This so called cookie can only be eaten in bites unlike an Oreo witch can be eaten in many ways. Oreo 1 stooped (stupid) cookie zero. This cookie comes in one variety, Oreos come in many varieties these varieties include but are not limited to Golden Oreo, uh oh Oreo, the mini Oreo, the double stuffed Oreo, the big stuff Oreo, Oreo cakesters, and 100 calorie packs Oreo otherwise known as Oreo thinstations in Canada.

When I get stressed I don’t take a bubble bath, punch a whole in the wall, light some scented candles or funny fourth thing, I eat chocolate. Oreos are 2 parts chocolate and 1 part filling, I like that ratio. So when you get stressed to the max don’t funny fourth thing, have an Oreo. Or have a lot of reduced fat Oreos. Oreos come in many varieties these varieties include but are not limited to Golden Oreo, uh oh Oreo, the mini Oreo, the double stuffed Oreo, the big stuff Oreo, Oreo cakesters, and 100 calorie packs Oreo otherwise known as Oreo Thinstations in Canada.

Yes. He really repeated eight different types of Oreos that many times.

Random Videos Sunday

No, this won’t be a regular feature. Just some random videos.

Inherit the Wind

Dr. Strangelove

Spanish Inquisition

Toast

Sex Education

That Doctor Who Theme Tune…

I HAS POEMAGE!

Poemage… now there’s a word.

Thank you to Com at Darkened Face of Heaven.

Elles is Splendid, this I know
Because her blog told me so
She rants and raves
Darwin roles in his grave
She bites with words like Van Gogh.

Elles is Splendid, this I know
For Dawkins himself did tell us so
She’s got a vendetta
Against societa
And flattens ignunts like soft dough.

Elles is Splendid, this I know
She disregards the status quo
She’s got a way
To make you stay
So don’t waste your time, just go!

Ignunt Fool of the Week

“Freemasons, scientists, same thing…”

Masonic-Conspiracy-Man

“The Van Allen Belt is so powerful that anything that tries to get through it will be fried to crispy bacon.”

Magnetosphere-Conspiracy-Man

“That’s why the moon landings never happened!”

Moon-Landing-Conspiracy-Man

“The only thing that is strange that could come into this Earth would be the Nephelim and Satan!”

Satanic-Conspiracy-Man

“This machine is capable of a very very powerful blast of electro-magnetic power into the Van Allen Belt creating a Stargate…”

Stargate-Conspiracy-Man

Do I have many ignunt fools this week? Nope. Just one.

This weeks ignunt fool of the week is…

Gorilla199

(via Phil, no I’m not creative enough to find YouTube videos on my own)

He believes that the Large Hadron Collider is being built so that we can punch a hole in the Van Allen Belts so that we can be invaded by people from the planet Nibiru.

Damn, there are times when I’m embarrassed to be a Stargate fan (the TV show, not the conspiracy).

Other Internet Wonders

For those of you who came over from Bad Astronomy and never left, I hope that you’ve made yourselves comfortable on my blog. We should have fun. Maybe we can organize a Spanish Inquistion tea party!

Alright, that was an inside joke I made with my History teacher. I don’t expect anyone to get it.

But anyway, to prevent an uneven distribution of pseudo-Internet-fame, I am plugging a few websites which I find are also wonderful to look at.

Homo economicus is a good source of political analysis and has a wonderful sense of humour, though it often causes great pains in my sides. His most recent post has open letters between Rabbi Shmuley and Dawkins. It’s well worth reading through. It’s another one of those things that he does that makes my sides hurt so much.

Anybody who thinks that I think I know everything just because I’m a teenager should see how much Rachael, a contributor to the blog Imbrickle, frightens me with how much she knows about neurology. And she’s sending me a fossil for knitting her a Slytherin scarf! Cool!

If you want to make me aware of the existence of theistic evolutionists, that’s all well and good, but I already know of their existence. If you’re looking for an ex-young-earth-creationist-theistic-evolutionist blogger, here’s one. If you’re an avid reader of AiG who’s going to go over there just to say that he’s a false Christian, don’t. He’s a friend of mine, and he has enough of those trolls already.

ChickenGirl often has unique news, and is a wonderful read.

If you’re interested in following the weird, and often disturbing actions of the cult of Scientology, The Frame Problem is an excellent resource.

Math is fascinating. If you disagree, go over to Intrinsically Knotted. There’s also writings on atheism and good stuff.

And there’s… Reed.

What, that Elles girl? I think that she’s a total twatbitchcuntwhorestreisand. If she were of legal age, I’d say fuck her!

You know I love you, Elles. You’re like that annoying little sister that I have to accept as a family member although I secretly wish that mum had gotten an abortion.

Yup. He’s always that interesting… almost always… mmmm… kind of.

Evolved and Rational has the most interesting trolls. She has fascinating content too.

And finally, The Flying Trilobite and The Darkened Face of Heaven have a skill which I only possess on the piano. Art. The Darkened Face of Heaven has more poetry. Either way, they’re better than me.

High School Freethinkers, Come Out!

Imagine you’re reading your feeds, when you see a blog post about you. I’ve recently been seeing blog posts about me pop up all over the place, most recently from BadAstronomy.

From what I can tell, it’s mostly because I’m a teenage freethinker. Now, I am quite flattered and all, and I can understand why people find this such a remarkable phenomenon, but I know that I’m not the only one out there. Right?

I don’t hear crickets… oh. There they are now.

Just kidding. I know you’re out there. Maybe you run a blog just like me. Maybe you’re not outspoken because of anti-intellectual peer pressure. So… I’m ripping off of the Out Campaign and making a “Scarlet F” because I thought that that would be amusing.

Made by NaonTiotami, who obviously has far more skills than I do.

Now, if you are a high school freethinker/skeptic/atheist/intellectual/all-around-cool-person (or know of one), I want to know about you. Leave a comment here, or send me an e-mail. If you have a blog or website, I’d be happy to give you linkage. I’m thinking of maybe doing a special section in my blog with links to high school freethinkers or something so that we can exchange ideas with each other, help each other out, be friends, have fun, etc.

In the meantime, check out the Center for Inquiry Campus Outreach site.

Phil Plait is Wrong!

I didn’t mean it, Phil. I admire you and all but…

While poking around the intertoobs a few days ago, I found a remarkable blog by a young woman. She volunteers at the Denver Museum of Science and Nature, an excellent place where you can learn all about reality (and where “my” black hole show was created).

Sadly, this young woman also sees creationists giving tours and lying about said reality. Her blog post on this subject is truly worth reading. It would be considered well-written and thoughtful by anyone.

So imagine my surprise when I found out, coincidentally just now, that she’s only 14.

Fourteen! Amazing. I foresee a very bright future ahead of this young lady.

Actually, I’m not 14. I just turned 15 in March. Sorry for the confusion. Just had to fix that error.

You’re still awesome, Phil!

UFOs and Intelligent Design

Today I got done with my final exams for my college classes, was hanging around, when I heard that MUFON (Mutual UFO Network) was doing some sort of lecture on campus. I figured, why not? Maybe they had some evidence that would shake my view of the world… Eh… maybe not. At the very least, I should be open minded, right?

So I went. It was a lecture by a Native American named Rainbow Eagle.

Before I continue, I feel I need to make the following disclaimer, because I’ll essentially be calling the man an ignunt fool.

Rainbow Eagle, you have a great personality. You are a very nice person. Very friendly. Humble. And you have a really awesome name. I wish I’d been named something like… Rainbow Jelly Fish… or… Sparkling Eagle.

So, we saw a video of some guy speaking in Spanish (with English voice-overs) about how apparently their belief (which has allegedly been verified by science) is that humans were planted here some 12,000 years ago by aliens. That’s 6,000 more years than the young earth creationists think we’ve been here. Not too bad.

And then, the guy in the video started talking about… wait for it… wait for it…

Quantum Mechanics!

What a surprise. And you know those words that New Age gurus use so much when talking about quantum mechanics? Vibration, frequency, energy? Yup. All those words were there.

See, we can only experience certain frequencies, but some people can experience other frequencies, and therefore see into parallel universes.

…!

When the video ended, I asked “is our species the only species to have been ‘planted’ here?” Seems like a good question to ask. Why would only humans be planted?

He was very confused by the question. He asked me “do you mean, are we the only specie to have been planted here?”

…!

This takes both scientific and grammatical ignorance. He didn’t really have an answer for that, anyway.

And it moved on…

He said that there were four races originally planted here. Not only that, but these original races were different colours. Native Americans used to be red. Blacks used to be blue. Asians used to be green. And whites used to be… transparent. That’s right. Transparent.

No. I have no idea how he knows this.

Rainbow Eagle presented us with three theories of the origin of humans.

  1. Aliens put us here to mine gold for them, until we rebelled. So, they genetically programmed us with loyalty to them so that we’d think of them as gods.
  2. Aliens came and helped humans develop technology, so we worshiped them because we thought that that was a very nice thing to do.
  3. Evolution.

I have no idea how he came up with 1 and 2, but he said that number 3 was right out. Well what do you expect? His understanding of evolution was that it is “Man-to-ape. Somehow an ape stood up, lost its hair, got more brainpower, or whatever all that technical stuff is.” No, we shared a common ancestor with the apes. That common ancestor may have been very ape-like. He’s completely leaving out mutation and natural selection in this over-simplified “explanation”.

“Now we know what the problem with evolution is.”

Some woman in the room piped up, “missing link!”

Here I was thinking I was just in a room full of UFO enthusiasts. When did I end up in a room full of cdesign proponentsists?

Missing links. A perfectly valid argument… if used before the 1920s.

I raised my hand again. I’m pretty sure I was starting to annoy the people in the room because I was talking about (gasp!) actual science!

“What about Homo erectus, Australopithicus afarensis, Homo neanderthalensis?”

“Well, those show that there was an evolutionary trail leading up to us, but then you suddenly have fully formed humans out of nowhere!”

…!

“Why do we share 99% of our genome with the chimps?”

No answer.

After this lecture, he told me that he would try to fit it all together to fit his theories. This is part of the scientific method. When new evidence arises, you see if you can modify your theories to fit it. If not, you have to accept that your theory, no matter how fond you are of it, is useless and it’s back to the drawing board.

But something tells me that he’s just going to cling to it. I mean, what’s more attractive than having your ancestors come from the stars?

How about this…

Way, way, way back when, a self-replicating molecule formed. And just because certain configurations of self-replicating molecules were better at making more copies of themselves than others, selection pressure was applied to it to create a remarkable diversity of wonderful life. Among these lifeforms are humans like you, and me, who were able to write poetry, music, make art. But even better, we are able to think and create science to accurately understand how we came to be.

There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.

Charles Robert Darwin

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